10 Ways
by Invaderk
Summary: [JPLE] James uses Sirius's bad advice to try and attract Lily. Humorous and sometimes embarrasing turnouts follow. JPLE. Finally complete!
1. Prolouge

Disclaimer: I own nothing, especially not Harry Potter

A/N: My first James/Lily story, so i'm up for suggestions. Each chapter after this will show one of the ways on the list.

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**PROLOUGE**

**10 Ways To Get A Girl**

1. Show concern for her well being – It sucks them right in. women like to be waited on – just ask my mother

2. Flatter her – even if you don't mean it, or you cant think of anything to say

3. "No" means "Yes" and "Get the hell away from me" means "Take me, I'm yours"

4. Try a surprise attack – always effective! Guaranteed results!

5. Show off your transfiguration skills! It's magic!

6. When in doubt, play hard to get

7. One thing _never_ fails – ant that's a love potion.

8. Feel free to disregard their feelings – their just faking it.

9. One word: pickup line

10. If all else fails, grovel.

James read the list doubtfully as he and Sirius marched down the empty corridor on their way to potions class.

"I don't know, Padfoot," James said with a sigh, "It doesn't seem like the best advice – almost a little desperate, if you think about it."

Sirius gave a barking laugh.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures, my friend!" He replied, "I know for sure! The list never fails!"

James pushed open the door to the dungeon classroom and pocketed the list warily. The two friends took their seats in front of their cauldrons, and waited for Professor Slughorn to enter the room.

James greeted Remus Lupin with a cheery wave and a smirk, and Lupin nodded back in reply. However, James's attention was distracted by a pretty girl over Lupin's shoulder. A red haired, fair-skinned, freckled someone that sent chills up James's over-confident spine.

Sirius noticed James's distraction with a wry smile.

"Don't forget the list, Prongs," he hissed in James's ear, "It never fails!"

Remus laughed, and then sighed. James noticed how exhausted his friend appeared. His 'furry little problem' seemed to be getting the best of him. His sandy blonde hair was matted, and he was sporting a long gash on his forearm. Luckily, his arm was safe from prying eyes under his cloak, and most people just thought that Lupin had stayed up too late reading.

"Sirius, seriously," Remus said, and James chuckled, "James wouldn't try something as far-fetched as your list. He wouldn't sink so low, would you?"

Remus turned to James, and the smiles disappeared off of both of their faces.

"Well…" James started in a reply, but caught Lily's green eyes and shuddered.

He smiled smugly at her, and she rolled her eyes at him, holding a book in front of her face.

"Oh come off it, Remus!" Sirius said leaning back in his chair and putting his feet on the desk, "I am the master!" he added with a barking laugh, not noticing several girls glaring at the back of his head menacingly.

James sighed.

"I suppose I have no choice, unless you have a better idea, Moony?" James said, tapping on his quill with his wand and transfiguring it into a mouse.

Remus shrugged, "Tell her the truth?"

Sirius and James looked at each other before bursting out laughing. Remus reddened, picked up a book, and began to read. Lily shot the three of them a strange look and put down her book as Professor Slughorn entered the classroom.

"Good morning!" he boomed loudly and cheerfully.

James sighed. Was it?

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A/N: Chapter one coming soon to a computer near you. Reviews are appreciated!

Thanks!

Dayrunner


	2. The First Way

Disclaimer: I own nothing - especially not Harry Potter

A/N: I personally feel bad for any guy that has been in James's situation, just for lack of words.

Happy Reading!

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**Way One: Show concern for their well being – It sucks them right in. Women like to be waited on – just ask my mother.**

**> > > > > > > > > > **

The next week proved to be a slow one for James, and the first step didn't come into play until the following week in Defense Against the Dark Arts class. James had been sitting at the windowsill, chin on hand, staring out the window. Only when his eyes started drooping and his mouth started sliding open did Remus give him a hard poke in the side.

"Gah!" James said loudly, coming back into the present.

Many students turned in their seats to see the reason for the disturbance, and the teacher shot him an icy glare. James merely smiled politely and continued to daydream. His thoughts turned first to his family – his mother had been ill last time he had owled, and he wondered how she was doing. Remus wasn't in the best condition, though he never was, but he seemed to be recuperating well since their last full moon stroll.

James looked over at his friend. Remus was taking notes on nonverbal spells, and the theory of wandless magic. James hoped that Remus would let him copy the notes later; he'd learned a handy spell that copied notes, and then made them into his own handwriting.

Finally James's thoughts turned to a place that did not seem too foreign these days; his thoughts turned to Lily Evans. In the eyes of James Potter, she was just about perfect. She could look after herself, she was smart, _and_ she was good looking. The perfect girl for him.

He shifted slightly in his chair, and stuck a hand in his hair, making it messier than it was before. "Artfully absurd" Sirius called it. Sirius had a similar look, only his hair was longer, less messy, and a tad bit shinier than James's. Sirius was in the hospital wing with a 'bad stomach ache', though James knew that he only wanted to get out of his Transfiguration test. James, however, was brilliant at the subject, and felt in no need to skip a test that he was sure to ace. He looked forward to tutoring Sirius tonight for his makeup test. James loved to teach.

An extremely soft, short grunt of pain and exasperation came to James's ears, and he turned around in his seat to see Lily in the seat behind him, her hand on her lower abdomen, with a pained look on her face. He caught her eye and raised an eyebrow, and she just shook her head and acted as if nothing had happened. He turned back in his seat, his brows furrowed together in thought. Was Lily okay?

He heard the rustling of a bag, the uncapping of a potion, and he heard her drink it down. A pain relieving potion, perhaps? He didn't know. He heard Lily get up from her seat in the last row, walk away, blow her nose, and sit back down.

"Dammit," he heard her say in a harsh, almost inaudible whisper.

James was tempted to turn around again, but he didn't. When the bell rang, he gathered his belongings, but when he looked up, Lily was already out the door.

James shouldered his bag and followed in hot pursuit, Sirius's first step coming to mind.

"Show concern – and wait on her," James summarized to himself as he hurriedly walked down the corridor.

James turned a corner and saw Lily walking down the hall at top speed. He quickened his pace, and as he grew closer, he saw a blotchy red color on Lily's white stocking. His heart raced. Was she hurt?

"Evans!" he called, reaching her, "Hey Evans! Are you alright?"

James matched her pace, and he saw the color in Lily's face flush.

"I'm fine, Potter, I don't know what you're talking about," she replied quickly, tightening her hold on her shoulder bag.

"You're bleeding!" he hissed to her, "are you okay? I saw that you were in pain before, and I heard you take a pain relieving potion."

He grabbed her wrist.

"Come on; let's go to the Hospital wing. I'm sure Madam Veltry will be able to help you! Here, let me take this book for you!" he added, snatching a book out of Lily's hand.

James started for the infirmary, but Lily pulled him back.

"Potter! Listen to me!" she said, her green eyes wild with frustration and her face almost as red as her hair.

James stopped moving and stood rooted on the spot. She wrenched her wrist out of his grasp and stared up at him.

"I am fine! There is nothing wrong with me, everything is completely normal. It's all _normal_." She said through gritted teeth.

James paled as he realized what she was talking about.

"Oh! I- uh, well… sorry, I didn't, I mean…" James stuttered, unable to say anything Potter-like.

Lily wheeled around and headed for the bathroom, tugging at the hem of her robe to make it cover her stocking. She didn't look back.

James hit himself in the forehead and headed back to the common room to beat the hell out of Sirius.

Sirius lay on his four-poster, laughing.

"James you thickhead!" Sirius exclaimed, absolutely howling, "You're messing with forces beyond male control!"

James reddened and hit Sirius with a pillow. Sirius fell to the floor and attempted to catch his breath. Though James was still mortified at the experience, he couldn't help but crack a smile. Remus shook his head, picked up a book and muttered something that sounded like, "_Women"._

James climbed back into his four poster once Sirius had calmed down, and was about to shut the hanging when –

"Augh! I forgot my report in the common room!"

James sighed, climbed out of bed, and shuffled down the stairs. Once he came into the common room, his stomach gave a swooping sensation, and he wished he were invisible. Sitting in front of the fire was Lily, accompanied by her friends. Lily looked stunning in a pair of sweats, James decided upon seeing her. She was wearing maroon sweats that clashed magnificently with her hair, which was pulled back into a high ponytail. One of Lily's friend, Madeline Bones, spotted James, then giggled and nudged Lily. Lily looked up, saw James, and her face reddened.

James felt his legs turn to lead, and he stood, the two of them staring at each other, apparently embarrassed. He managed to force a smile, and to his surprise, she smiled weakly back. James felt his insides melt.

Realizing that several girls were watching him expectantly, he rumpled his hair, grabbed his essay, and quickly ran back up the stairs. When he closed the door to the seventh year boy's dormitory, he smiled to himself and climbed into bed. He pulled the hangings around the four-poster without a word to the other boys that were watching him, and took out the list from under his pillow. James reached out of the hangings and grabbed a quill that was beside his bed on a table. He took the quill and brutally scratched out the first piece of advice.

After deciding that the writing was pulverized enough, he dropped the quill and stuffed the list back under his pillow. When he closed his eyes, he saw in his mind Lily's eyes staring back at him, a sheepish grin upon her face. James smiled and he fell asleep.

In his eyes, the otherwise humiliating day had been compensated by a mere smile.

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A/N: End chapter... next one coming asap. Reviews are appreciated and encouraging! 


	3. The Second Way

A/N: This is a revised edition, because a reviewer made a good point on my characterization. Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, please don't sue me!

Happy Reading!

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**Way Two: Flatter her – even if you don't mean it, or you can't think of anything to say**

After James's rather embarrassing episode with Lily, he laid low for a while, waiting for the opportune moment to set the next step into action. Sirius, however, did not seem all that keen on waiting. He would give James a good hard poke in the ribs if Lily walked by, and was always insisting that James hurry.

"You don't want her to find another bloke, do you?" Sirius said warningly.

"Don't be thick. Of course I don't," James replied grumpily.

Lily had had boyfriends before, of course, but never anything incredibly serious. The very thought of Lily being taken by another guy got James in a bad mood, and even Sirius didn't push it at these times.

"Well, I'm just saying," he said, putting his hands in his cloak and hunching his shoulders.

James, Sirius, and Remus were taking the windy stroll to Hogsmeade village. Snow had fallen the previous night, and so Remus was in the lead, blasting snow drifts out of the way with his wand. The village trip was enormously unpopular on this day because of the cold, but a few loyal customers were making their way into town to get a warm drink or buy something amusing. Christmas break was coming upon them soon, and the three of them had neglected to do their shopping up until this point.

Finally, the threesome entered The Three Broomsticks, lowered their hoods, and grabbed a spot at an empty booth. While Sirius went up to get the drinks, Remus leaned across the table so that his head was close to James's, and spoke quietly.

"You know, Prongs, I'm not sure if this is such a good idea."

"What's not a good idea?" James inquired, though he knew well that Remus was talking about.

"I mean that ridiculous list. You know that the steps won't work. I think Sirius is just pulling your leg on this one."

"Or he thinks they'll really work." James replied.

"Yes, and in that case, Sirius is just as insensitive to women as everyone thinks." Remus said, sitting back in his booth and groaning.

The full moon was in just a few days, and James could tell that Remus was not exactly excited about it.

James wanted to comment further, but at that moment, Sirius returned with three foaming butterbeers.

"Drink up, boys," he said, "It's going to be a cold walk home."

"Cheers!" James said, and the three of them clinked their mugs together and drank deeply.

Later that night, James was sitting in the common room, lighting off some Fillibuster's Fireworks to the applause of the crowd. After the last of the sparks had died down and the audience cleared, James noticed Lily sitting by herself in the corner, reading.

The second step came to mind at that point, so he went over slowly and sat down next to her. She looked up, and when she saw who it was, put the book down on her lap and looked at him curiously.

"Hello James, long time to chat," she said slyly.

James felt the back of his neck prickle. He loved it when she called him James. Maybe she liked it if he did the same.

"Yes, Lily, long time no chat," he replied, but didn't see any reaction from her at all.

"I presume you didn't come here to interrupt my reading now, did you?" she asked him.

_Merlin _thought James, _she's flirting with me! Act cool, use the step…_

"Well, I just wanted to say that, err…" James said awkwardly, "that your shoes are very nice."

James saw the slightest twitch of a grin in the corners of Lily's mouth.

"And, I also thought that your performance in transfiguration was quite the spectacle!" James said, before realizing that she had accidentally blown up her desk in today's lesson.

Lily did not suppress her frown.

"Oh, so you're making fun of me now, are you?" she said, obviously offended.

"No! no that's not what I was saying!" James said, trying desperately to keep his cool.

Unfortunately, Sirius, who had been listening the whole time, chose this moment to approach. He put an arm around James's shoulder and smiled smugly.

He said in his cool voice, "What James _really_ wanted to say was that your hair was looking exceptionally better than before today."

Lily raised an eyebrow and placed her book aside.

She sighed, apparently trying to control her temper, "It looks the same as it did earlier today, Black,"

"No it doesn't," Sirius said quickly.

James glared at his friend.

"What he wants to say is that it was a little on the fluffy side today –" James started.

"Yeah!" Sirius cut in.

"And it looks loads better now," James said before hastily adding at the look on Lily's face, "Not – not that it doesn't look good all the time. I mean, err…"

"James wants to date you, Evans," Sirius said, "just go out with him. Please?"

Sirius gave the puppy face, much to James's horror.

Lily stood up.

"You two are the most insensitive prats I've ever met, and I wouldn't go out with Potter if he asked me to my face!"

"Go out with me, Evans, you know you want to!" James said coolly.

"No!" she exclaimed, and James clasped his hands together in plea.

Lily merely turned and stormed off, leaving a confused Sirius and a flustered James behind. James gave Sirius a hard punch in the arm.

"Agh! I am _so desperate_!" he yelled, and stomped up the stairs.

James stormed into the dormitory and slammed the door. Remus was sitting on the bed, doing some homework. At the sight of his angry friend, he closed his book and looked over at James with a curious, concerned look on his face.

"What's up, mate?" he asked James.

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" James yelled, hitting his head against the wall.

Remus scrambled off of the bed and pried his friend away from the wall with surprising strength.

"Chill out, Prongs! You just need time! If there's any guy that can manage to pull this whole datingLily thing off, it's you. Besides, you seem to be the only one she shows interest in," Remus said, shaking James's shoulders.

James hung his head.

"You're right. I've gotta take more time into thinking about these steps."

"Exactly!" Remus said, happy that he had gotten his point.

"I need more time to plan out the next step before I take it!" James said, suddenly back to being his confident self.

Remus hung his head.

"I was thinking more along the lines of: be yourself.," Remus said softly, but he knew that James wouldn't listen once his mind was made up.

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A/N: I know it was short, but i have writer's block problems. Reviews are appreciated. Thanks to all! 


	4. The Third Way

A/N: Heh, I know it's been ages since my last post, but I have been really really busy. I apologize a thousand times over. Anyway, the long-anticipated third way is here: let's see if James can possibly embarrass himself any more, shall we? Things are starting to fall apart for poor James, but have on fear, way four is on the way and bound to be interesting. I just uploaded this with Wordpad, an interesting experience. I prefer Microsoft Word vastly.

Disclaimer: I own nothing… especially not Harry Potter.

Happy Reading!

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**Way Three: "No" means "Yes" and "Get the hell away from me" means "Take me, I'm yours"**

**> > > > > > > > **

After days of careful planning and scheming, James had a plan.

"I have a plan!" James announced to Remus, who had been sitting in the common room, studying with Peter.

"You're going to apologize?" Remus said hopefully.

James's smile flickered for a moment and he ran a hand through his hair uncertainly. After this awkward moment, however, his broken smile was back upon his face and his air of confidence had returned.

"No," He said, "I'm going to take step three into action. I'll get her alone and then we'll have a nice little talk."

Remus groaned and hit himself in the forehead with his palm rather forcefully.

"What's step three?" Remus asked in exasperation, rolling his eyes at a sniggering Peter.

"To summarize: no means yes, which I'm sure it does with most women, right?"

Without responding, a very frustrated and incensed Remus gathered up his books and began up the staircase.

"I'm going to bed," Remus announced, "I am afraid I can no longer sympathize with your situation, James; someone's going to get hurt before the end. You can come back to me when you realize that your list is wrong."

"You'll see, Remus!" James called after him, "The list is never – usually – wrong!"

The room fell silent and James looked around, apparently deep in thought. Peter, after watching James apprehensively for a moment, got up and followed Remus out of the common room. James felt his confidence level diminishing slightly and wondered vaguely of Remus was right. After all, though James usually got slightly better grades than Remus, Remus was often a much better psychologist. What if no really Lily really meant 'no' when she said 'no'? James figured he'd have been with her for years already if that was true. Or perhaps the list was just a clever way to get Lily to like him. Or maybe, and James couldn't help but feel a surge of pride at this, maybe Lily was just beyond all this pitiful flirtation that Sirius wreaked on the female race. James didn't know, but Sirius had never let him down before this list and had always been full of usually good advice. Why wouldn't it work now?

"The list works," James whispered to himself, "The list always works."

"What list?" came a voice from behind.

James spun around and saw one of Lily's friends standing in front of him.

"N-nothing," James stuttered, red-faced, then darted out of the common room.

The next day, James saw Lily walking down by the lake with a group of friends. He started off to set Way Three into motion when he felt as if a root had come out of the ground in front of his foot. He stumbled, tripped, and fell face-fist onto the ground. The group of girls laughed, minus Lily, who merely glared at the person who had caused James to trip. James stumbled to his feet and saw Snape standing a few feet away with his wand raised and a grin on his thin lips.

"Trip jinx, Potter," Snape drawled in his icy voice, "Nice lip."

James's hand twitched towards his pocket, but he stopped himself on Lily's behalf; he knew that she would be less inclined to like him if he attacked Snape in front of her. James straightened up and licked the blood off his bleeding lip, then turned his back to Snape and approached Lily.

"Could I have a word?" James asked coolly, touching his lip with the tip of his wand and healing over the cut.

Lily, who was obviously still upset over their last conversation, said, "No."

"Excellent," James exclaimed, and hauled her away from her group of friends, who were all giggling madly.

"What are you doing, James?" Lily asked with exasperation.

"Will you go out with me?"

"No."

James grinned and grabbed her hands.

"That's great!" He exclaimed happily, "I'll book us a table at the Three Broomsticks and everything. I won't let you down!"

Lily, who had been too surprised to retort until this point, gently pulled her hands away from his grasp.

"James," She said gently, "I really just want some personal space. You really just need to get away from me and stay there."

"Wow," James said in awe, "you're really something else, you know that?"

With that, James took Lily in his arms, dipped her like a tango dancer and kissed her. She gasped and pulled away from James, and turned her back to him.

"You prat!" She said as she marched off, "Don't you get what I tell you?"

James mentally smacked himself in the face; Sirius was going to need a nice talking-to.

At dinner, James told Sirius what had happened and he listened carefully, a look of puzzlement on his face. Remus was sitting a ways away with Peter, who was watching James and Sirius gloomily.

"That doesn't make sense," Sirius said, "The list works. It always works."

James looked up and saw that Lily would be passing their bench by in just a few moments.

"Oh yeah, Padfoot?" James said, "Then you try it. Here she comes."

Sirius grinned and spun around to face Lily, who was just walking by. He grabbed her bag and she turned around. When she saw James, her expression flickered, but she turned her eyes to Sirius. In her hands was a small box of Honeydukes chocolates, and she had one in her hand as if she had been about to eat it the moment Sirius had summoned her.

"Hello Evans," Sirius said coolly, suavely, "Can I have one of those?"

Lily laughed quietly to herself.

"Black, these are way too expensive to be handing out."

"Please?"

"No."

"Brilliant!" Sirius said, and held out his hand like a child eagerly awaiting a treat.

Lily rolled her eyes and placed the chocolate in her hand onto Sirius's outstretched palm. Sirius took a bite out of it and gave a sidelong smirk to James, whose mouth was slightly agape.

"See you at eight!" Sirius called after Lily.

As Lily walked off, Sirius turned back to James, smirking and eating the chocolate. James watched his best friend with a curious expression of disbelief and mingled fury.

"How'd you do that?"

Sirius laughed.

"Prongs," Sirius said happily, "the list never lies."

Upon seeing James's slightly saddened demeanor, Sirius's smile seemed to fade and he rounded his shoulders. It looked to James as if Sirius had been convicted of a crime or had to do a really hard job.

"Look, Prongs, I have to meet her at eight for a project. I'll talk some sense into her, alright?"

James sighed and spun his fork in his Shepard's pie, but found that he had lost his appetite. Sirius took this as a 'yes, please'.

At eight, as Sirius was meeting with Lily, Remus was angry, and Peter was avoiding James, James went up to the library to do some research about women. The things he found out were not encouraging, to say the least. The most heartening thing, however, was written by an ammeter writer who had been later killed by his girlfriend. He wrote: _Once women are interested, they will love you forever._ With a sigh, James gave up and went back to the common room to sulk about by himself; he was beginning to feel sorry for the friendless Snape… okay, well, he wasn't _that_ sorry, but he had never really been on his own before.

James arrived in the common room to see Sirius and Lily sitting in a loveseat by the fire, a piece of parchment spread out on the tale before them. Sirius had the tip of his quill at his lips as if he were thinking hard. Lily's red hair was falling into her face and over the parchment. Mostly they stared at the paper, deep in thought, but would sometimes mutter something or make a note on the parchment, though James was well out of earshot. Finally, Sirius made a motion as if he had a brilliant idea, said it to Lily, who nodded, and scratched something out on the parchment. Sirius looked up and saw that James was standing at the portrait hole, watching them glumly, and stuffed the paper casually into his back pocket. He arose from his seat, bid Lily good day, and strode over to James.

"I hate Arithmacy," Sirius confided as he got up to James, "But we've just about got our project settled."

"Can I see it?" James asked as they began up the stairs.

Sirius tripped slightly and caught himself on the rail.

"Blimey I'm tired," He said, yawning, "Yeah, you can see it when it's finished. Right now It's pretty much rubbish."

"Right," James said, feeling once again rather gloomy; apparently, Sirius had forgotten to have the talk with Lily about her love life.

James settled himself into bed after pulling the closings around his four-poster, pausing only to take the list from under his pillow and scratch the third way off the list with a quill. He rested his head down on his pillow and shut his eyes, but was unable to fall asleep. He had kissed Lily Evans today, but the kiss hadn't been as he had planned; in his mind's eye, Lily had always been kissing him back.

James tossed and turned, unable to sleep due to his desperation. The only possible explanation for this was love – love, or infatuation. At this point, James wasn't sure which was worse. All James knew was that if he didn't get to hold a willing Lily Evans in his arms soon, he might just go mad for the cause.

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A/N: Poor, poor James. What good can come of this? Stay alert and find out! 


	5. The Fourth Way

A/N: Heh, I've recently found myself writing more of this story than usual. The fourth way, in which James is confused, Sirius is suspected, Remus is right, Peter is not important, and Lily is offended.

Disclaimer: I own nothing... especially not Harry Potter.

Happy Reading!

* * *

**Way Four: Try a surprise attack – always effective! Guaranteed results.**

For the third time in the last week, rain was thundering down upon the castle. James found himself this particular Saturday morning, unable to heave himself out of bed. He groaned and rolled over, his muscles sore and a migraine thumping in his temples. He began to cough rather loudly, and the hangings on his bed got torn back. It was Sirius, staring down at James with a strange glint in his eye; he was holding a black bottle in his hand.

"You alright, Prongs?" Sirius asked with concern.

James, whose eyes had burned at the light, shook his head vigorously.

"I feel terrible," James replied, coughing, "Like I took an instant sickness potion. Ugh…"

James looked up at Sirius, who was still holding the bottle in his hand.

"What's that?" James asked weakly, sitting up and hugging his knees to his chest.

Sirius looked back and fourth between James and the beverage, his mouth slightly open. Sirius took a long swig from the bottle and burped lightly.

"Burping tonic," Sirius replied, wiping the purple beverage off his upper lip, "Got it in Hogsmeade this morning before the crowd got there."

James groaned and put his face in his hands.

"Hogsmeade," James groaned, "I _completely_ forgot! Agh, what am I going to do?"

Sirius shrugged.

"Beats me, Prongs," he replied, "Just stay here for a bit and sleep. You'll probably feel better later."

James sighed and hugged his knees to his chest tighter than before. The dormitory door opened and Remus stepped inside. When he saw James on the bed, looking frightful, he dropped the book he was taking. For a moment, as Remus bent over to pick up the book, he looked as if he was going to help James. But the next second, Remus had shot a glare at Sirius and left the room again. Sirius watched as James curled up in the fetal position and fell back into a sleep before sighing, turning, and leaving the room.

When James awakened, he felt a bit better. Though his head was still aching terribly, he managed to heave himself up and clamber to his feet. He looked about the empty room and sighed, running a hand through his hair. What time was it? The clock that Remus kept by his bedside told James that the time was four o' clock. James vaguely wondered when the others would come back, and how much fun they were having without him.

James crossed the room to get a glass of water from the jug on the windowsill. He poured himself a glass of water and looked out the window, when a surprising sight met his eyes. Peter, Remus, Sirius and Lily were all crossing the lawn up to the castle, holding a few bags in their hands. Peter was laughing with Sirius and Lily, and Remus smiled in his reserved kind of way. Sirius was up close to Lily's face, saying something as she laughed hysterically. Lily stuck out her tongue at Sirius and he began laughing, too, and linked his arm in hers.

James noticed then that his cup had been crushed in his hand and the water was trickling down his arm, but he didn't care. Could Sirius possibly like Lily? Was this what the list was for; to get Lily to hate James as much as possible? James threw the cup down onto the ground and stomped out of the dormitory – he had to confront Sirius.

James stomped down and had been reaching out to push open the portrait when the foursome emerged. Remus and Peter's smiles faded instantly, and they turned and left again. Sirius and Lily unlinked arms and Lily scooted off towards her dormitory. Sirius was left quite alone, apprehensively eyeing James.

"You look ill," Sirius observed, watching James breathing heavily.

"You'll look more ill than me after I've finished with you," James growled, and drew his wand out of his pocket.

Before James's sick reflexes could react, Sirius had snatched James's wand out of his hand and pushed him into the nearest chair. Sirius got down on his knees in front of James and tried to calm his friend.

"Don't worry, James, Lily and me have a strictly professional relationship." Sirius insisted.

"You were up in her face, Sirius, and you were flirting with her!" James said loudly, causing many people to turn and watch.

Sirius grinned broadly at the surrounding people to show that nothing interesting was going on, and then turned back to James, his smile fading steadily.

"I know it looks bad, Prongs," Sirius said. "But I've been talking to her, and I think she's starting to become interested in you!"

James raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"Really?"

"Yes, most definitely. It's the list! Just follow the list and you'll have her in no time!"

"You're sure she's interested?"

"Positive!"

James watched Sirius for a moment longer, eagerly searching for any of his friend's telltale signs of lying. He found none. James sighed and leaned back into his chair, then lurched forward and had a small coughing fit. Sirius tumbled backwards to get out of James's way. James rested his head in his hands to block out the light in the room – he had just remembered how sick he felt.

"I feel terrible, Sirius," James said quietly, "In more than one way. Sorry for suspecting you; I should have known better."

Sirius sighed and got to his feet.

"S'alright, mate. Go to sleep or something – you look like a train wreck."

James grunted in reply and stood on his shaking legs. Sirius clapped James on the shoulder and James went back to bed.

A day passed, and then another, and James found himself feeling much better. In fact, on the third day, he was completely back to normal. He awoke and stretched happily, marveling at how he could breathe through his nose and how he was hungrier than he had been in days. With his stomach growling, he sauntered down to breakfast with Sirius. The dynamic duo took their seats and began talking about the upcoming Quidditch match.

"Should be great," Sirius said brightly, snatching up a kipper and eating it.

"You're telling me – I've been waiting for months for this one!" James exclaimed.

Sirius looked around to make sure that nobody was looking before lowering his voice.

"So," he said, "Have you thought of taking step four?"

James choked on the pumpkin juice he had been drinking and coughed violently. Sirius thumped him on the back and he caught his breath. Breathing heavily, James's eyes sought Lily, who was sitting with her friends and eating her breakfast.

"Of course," James said.

A voice from behind them interrupted their conversation.

"Don't do it, James."

James and Sirius spun around to see Remus standing there, looking unhappy and disgruntled.

"Why shouldn't he?" Sirius asked indignantly.

"Because I've read this list and step four is assault!" Remus exclaimed, "James could get into trouble for this one."

"I think I can take care of myself, thanks," James snapped.

Remus and James glared daggers at each other for a few moments before Remus stalked off to, presumably, the library. James and Sirius shared a raised-eyebrow look before turning back to their breakfasts.

"Don't worry about him, James, he's just PMS-ing," Sirius said, helping himself to a pancake.

James shrugged.

"You're right. That Pre-Moon Syndrome is really annoying, though," James whispered. "I really hate it when he's right."

"Which is a lot, but not right now," Sirius said, and said no more.

James wasn't so sure of this.

o0o0o

School, for James, was easy. James was a superb student and could make anyone laugh. Heck, he could even put a smile on McGonagall's thin lips. However, James was not feeling like his usual cheerful self. James would sit in the back of the classroom and take notes quietly, or doodle in his notebook. The words of Remus were ringing in his ears like a gong.

_Step four is assault!_

Assualt? The word itself made him uneasy. People got put into Azkaban for assault. But James wasn't planning to do anything illegal – especially not to someone like Lily. He was, though, going to take step four. This much he had decided. Sirius had said that Lily had become interested, and James was willing to do anything to get Lily.

That night, James decided he would put step four into play. The monthly required after-nightfall patrol between Head Boy and Girl was on this night, and James would be forced to take a stroll around the school with Lily Evans.

James and Lily walked together in an awkward silence, only speaking when absolutely necessary. James had to stick his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching out and touching her, and several times he considered skipping the step.

After the patrol had been completed, and James had still not completed step four, and Lily was walking up the stairs of the dormitory, James's nerves got the best of him.

"_A surprise attack_," he thought to himself, "_Well, here goes nothing_…"

"Good night, Potter," Lily said, and began walking away.

Without thinking, James did the first thing that he could categorize under "Surprise attack" – he smacked her bottom. Lily spun around, wand out, and pointed it at James's face.

"_Petreficus totalus_!" She hissed, and James fell to the floor, unable to move.

Lily stared down at James with mingled disgust.

"I can't believe that you would do this, Potter!" Lily hissed, "Of all things – assault! I swear by Merlin himself, if you touch me again, I will report you! Goodnight!"

Lily kicked James in the ribs – James grunted – and stalked off into the Girl's dormitory. James, unable to move, mentally scolded himself. He swore never to tell Remus that he had been right on this one.

After a while, James heard steps coming from the boy's staircase. Sirius's face loomed over his own, looking concerned.

"No such luck, Prongs?"

Sirius performed the counter curse and James sat up, holding his head.

"Sirius, I am so sick of this," James said in frustration, "I give up. Lily will never love me."

Sirius's eyes widened.

"Love?"

James felt himself pale. He jumped up and swept past Sirius, up the stairs, and into the dormitory. He lay there for a while, knowing that Sirius was probably waiting to come upstairs out of respect for his friend. James buried his face in his pillow and tried to calm himself, but his limbs were shaking uncontrollably. Love? James couldn't believe that he had said it, and he knew it was true. But James had never been in love and he never wanted to be in love. James was sick and tired of being aggressive in this relationship. He crossed off step four on his list angrily, and then shoved the list back under his pillow.

When Sirius came back into the dormitory, James pretended that he was asleep; he was not in the mood for questions, and just wanted to be alone for a while.

* * *

A/N: Will poor James ever get this girl, or will he die trying? Find out soon, hopefully. 


	6. The Fifth Way

A/N: Okay, so I guess I've recentlydeveloped more liking ofthis story. You see, I actually wrote the last chapter (or at least a huge chunk of it) and it's very exciting. Anyway, this, I believe, is one of my shortest chapters. Ever. There's a little bit of amusement in the end, so hang tight! This is an edited repost, btw… I forgot to proofread last time.

Disclaimer: I own nothing... especially not Harry Potter

Happy Reading!

* * *

**Way Five: Show off your transfiguration skills! It's magic!**

"Prongs, you can't give up now!"

"I can't do this anymore, Sirius, I can't!"

"Yes you can! You've got her wrapped around your little finger."

James gave Sirius a look of pure incredulity. James was sitting on his bed with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and a steaming cup of hot chocolate (nicked from the kitchens courtesy of Sirius) in his hands. James had taken a sick day for the first time since fifth year after the aftermath of his atrocious Step Four. Not only did James feel terrible about not succeeding, he also felt as if he had violated Lily in some way.

"She left me on the floor of the common room, unable to move. You call that 'wrapped around my little finger'? I think you've got it backwards."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I'd do anything for her." James said, staring down at his cup.

"Anything?"

James looked up at Sirius to see that he was suppressing a smile.

"Anything."

Sirius placed a hand gingerly on James's shoulder.

"The step up to the plate, Prongs, take step five!"

James sighed.

That night, James had a terrible nightmare; the kind that really only seems terrible if you're there to witness it. The dream started off as Sirius telling James that he was going to go and do his Arithmacy project with Lily. Then James, who was in search of the list that he seemed to have misplaced, walked into an empty classroom to see Lily and Sirius snogging vigorously. James would gasp and tell Sirius what a bad friend he was, and Sirius would insist that his homework involved finding a new sport and he and Lily had chosen "Tonsil Hockey". And then Peter would appear and pronounce Sirius and Lily man and wife while Remus sang "I told you so" over and over to the beat of the wedding song. Then James awoke, covered in a cold sweat, only to find that he still had hours until breakfast.

Later that day, as James was sitting in Transfiguration, a not-so-foreign thought came to mind.

_The List…_

James sighed, finished his work, and looked around the room. He knew that Lily was watching him out of the corner of her eye, so James began to shamelessly show off his transfiguration skills. Okay, well, there was a little shame, seeing as he had found the art of showing off more and more unappealing in the last few days, but he honestly felt no more shame than he had felt after taking step one. James turned his desk into a pig and back, then turned Bobby Prewett's quill into an eagle. Several people laughed as the eagle flew around in circles above Bobby's head, Lily and McGonagall excluded. James continued in this fashion until the Professor threatened him with lines unless he deflated his head a little. So, not yet feeling that terrible feeling of defeat, James sat back in his chair.

Once the bell had rung and the class got up to leave, James put in part two of his master plan. He snagged Sirius's quill and quickly transfigured it into a red rose. James approached Lily in the corridor and couldn't help but hide a nervous, sheepish smile that twitched in his lips. James held out the rose, marveling at how it was the exact shade of her hair, and she took it with shaking fingers. James smiled at her.

"I know I'm not supposed to touch you," James said suavely, "But your beauty is only comparable to something like this rose."

Lily tried to hide her smile, but her blush gave her away.

"Th-thank you," Lily said, holding the rose lightly to her chest, "Where did you manage to find it? There aren't any rose bushes around here."

"Transfigured it," James replied proudly.

Lily raised a brow at James and brushed a strand of hair away from her face with her finger.

"Transfigured it?"

"Yes. From a quill." James said.

"Right," Lily said slowly, "Well, thanks again."

"Yeah. No problem," James replied equally as slowly.

The two teenagers turned and began to walk in opposite directions. James suddenly spun around and called her name.

"Lily!"

Lily turned around in confusion, her brows furrowed.

"Yes?"

James's hand jumped to his hair and he ruffled it in the back uncertainly.

"I'm just, well, I mean… I'm sorry for attacking you the other day. I feel terrible about it." James finished lamely.

To James's surprise, Lily smiled softly. Her green eyes glittered in the pale light, and James felt his heart flutter lightly.

"Its okay, James."

James walked away slowly, holding back with all his might the urge to dance and sing on the spot. Instead, when Lily had disappeared from sight, James tightly hugged the first person he saw.

Unfortunately, this person also happened to be Snape.

o0o0o

"Does your nose feel any better?"

"Yeah, buch bedder."

"Are you sure?"

"I'b sure."

"Alright. Here, take this."

"Danks."

James gratefully accepted the tissue from Sirius as they walked up to the infirmary. His nose was bleeding profusely, and after inspection, the matron tsked lightly.

"Borken nose," she announced, "how'd you get this, Potter? Not more dueling, I hope?"

James and Sirius shared a glance before James turned back to the matron and laughed slightly, his nose spewing more blood onto his hands.

"No. Definidely nod."

* * *

A/N: I know, despicably short. But hey, who wouldn't want to give old Snivelly a big 'ol hug! This makes me wonder if he snivelled a lot, or if it just rhymed with Severus. Anyway, enough with that thought. Hee hee. I hope you liked this chapter! 


	7. The Sixth Way

A/N: Chapter seven is here!

Disclaimer: I own nothing... especially not Harry Potter

Happy Reading!

* * *

**Way Six: When in doubt, play hard to get**

James sat in the hospital wing with Sirius, waiting to get his nose repaired. Madame Pomfrey healed James's broken nose quickly and sent them on their way. James and Sirius strolled down the corridor with no intention of going back to the common room, for they could just lounge around outside. Sirius was talking excitedly about the latest prank that he had planned.

"And then I'll take the rope and I'll use it to –" Sirius started, but James cut him off sharply.

"Oh no, my dear friend!" James exclaimed, getting rid of the blood on his face with his wand, "Not after that tutu incident. I had marks for weeks!"

Sirius paused in the corridor and James stopped as well, looking upon his friend.

"Oh yeah, I forgot all about that," Sirius mused, a small smirk on his face.

James laughed coldly.

"Well I haven't," James replied as they began walking again, rubbing his neck as if he'd been injured there before.

The two men stopped in front of the one-eyed witch statue and turned to face each other again.

"I fancy a butterbeer," Sirius said thoughtfully.

James grinned.

"Yeah. I've run out of sugar quills, actually," James said, "And Fizzing Whizbees."

"And acid pops. And cockroach clusters…" Sirius said, idly tapping the hump of the witch with his wand.

The back of the hump opened and Sirius climbed through. Just as James was preparing to hoist himself through the hole as well, he heard footsteps coming down the corridor.

"Close it, someone's coming!" James hissed down to Sirius hurriedly.

James instantly turned and blocked the passage with his body just as Remus came into view. James sighed in relief, but heard the hole close from behind him. James leaned against the statue and coolly ran a hand through his hair.

"Fancy seeing you here, Remus," James said, trying to sound conversational.

Remus rolled his eyes.

"I know what you're up to, Potter, and I don't care. I was just looking for you."

James, momentarily taken aback by the way Remus had addressed him, quickly regained his composure. He raised his eyebrows in sarcasm.

"And what do you want, exactly?" James said with a hint of cruelty mixed in with his sarcasm.

"Professor McGonagall wants to talk to you tonight," Remus said in a rehearsed way.

"What time?"

"Five."

James sighed and ran his hand through his hair again. James did this quite often, and Sirius often wondered aloud how James's hair could be so clean when James constantly had his hands in it.

"Okay." James said, and Remus turned away without another word.

Feeling slightly bemused, slightly annoyed, and slightly hurt, James opened the hatch again and lowered himself down. Sirius, who had heard the whole conversation through the statue, said nothing. The duo walked in silence down the passage, ducking slightly to avoid hitting their heads on the low ceiling.

"What do you think McGonagall wants to see you for?" Sirius asked gruffly.

James shrugged moodily.

"Dunno. Probably just extra Head duties or something."

Sirius sighed and they didn't speak again until they were out and about Hogsmeade. By that time, James was so wrapped up in the splendor of the wizarding village that he hardly remembered his less than desirable conversation with Remus.

James and Sirius, now loaded down with shopping bags, decided to take a quick stop at the Three Broomsticks before heading back to make curfew. James shouldered open the door and a chime went off. Madame Rosmerta looked up from wiping a glass and smiled. She set the glass down on the counter next to her rag and placed her hands on the table.

"Hello gentlemen," She said, "What can I get for you?"

Sirius smiled his award-winning smile as he and James took their seats on barstools.

"Ahh, just the usual today, Madame," Sirius said lightly, "We're not really supposed to be out, you see?"

Rosmerta smiled and fixed James and Sirius two butterbeers. They chatted with the bartender as they sat, and had her laughing rather hard in about five minutes. After that, however, a group of goblins came in and ordered a large order, and Rosmerta left James and Sirius alone.

"So…" Sirius said idly, his eyes wandering around, "What about that step six?"

James accidentally inhaled his butterbeer and coughed for about thirty seconds before he could reply.

"What about it?" James replied, feeling slightly alarmed.

"Are you going to take it?"

"Of course," James said with an air of dignity, "Don't be a prat. Step five worked like a charm. Well, kind of."

Sirius raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"How does it 'kind of work like a charm'?" Sirius asked, amused.

"Well, I'm not _with_ Lily, am I?" James said, risking another sip of his beverage. "I suppose step six is the way to go. I mean, it's kind of like taking a step backwards, though, isn't it?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, I've got her interested now, for sure," James reasoned, "Does it make sense to play hard to get now? To push her away after getting her?"

Sirius laughed and took a long swig of his drink. He wiped away the foam from his upper lip and smiled.

"James, I understand women," Sirius said, causing James to chuckle darkly, "No really, I do. They always want what they can't have. Take my mother, for example." Sirius paused as if he was collecting his thoughts. "She's obnoxious, rude, prejudiced, and _greedy_. If she can't have it, she wants it. She almost bought a dragon just because it was illegal."

"Why didn't she?"

"Well, she nearly burned down the house with a fire crab, for Merlin's sake, so she knew not to trust herself with a dragon. Besides, where would it sleep?" Sirius said, then added, "Nevermind; I'm sure she'd love to give it _my_ room."

James laughed out loud into the rim of his glass. Madame Rosmerta returned after dealing with the goblins and chatted with them for a while longer. James and Sirius made jokes and performed some magic that caused the goblins across the room to be rather disturbed.

They finished their drinks and left after leaving a generous tip to the curvy Rosmerta. She waved them out the door, still chuckling to herself.

o0o0o

"Someone should write a book about why women do the crazy things they do," James said as he, accompanied by Sirius, walked into the library and took seats at a table.

Madam Pince shot him a glare and pressed her forefinger to her lips in signification for James to shut his mouth. James and Sirius leaned their heads closer together and Sirius took out their Potions homework. James and Sirius had just returned from the trip to McGonagall's office. James had been merely warned that the fifth-year Gryffindors and Slytherins were getting rather violent and it was James's responsibility to try and stop it.

"Cheers," Sirius said, adding a line to his essay, "Once this whole thing is over and you're with Lily, you should write it."

James chuckled darkly.

"Maybe," James replied, "But for now, I have more important things to… ahh… _focus_ on."

Lily had just walked into the library, obviously in search of something. She peered around the room, her green eyes narrowed slightly. Her eyes landed on James and James reddened, turning to his paper and hoping Lily hadn't caught him staring.

"Tell me when she's gone," James muttered to Sirius, and Sirius seemed slightly nervous all of a sudden.

"Erm, well, she's coming over _here_, I think, so I'm not going to say anything."

James froze with his quill a half-inch away from is parchment. James heard footfalls and then suddenly, Lily was standing beside him. Her voice was slightly shaky as she spoke, as if she was nervous.

"Hello James."

Sirius poked James in the ribs from his other side. James reddened and nodded once, acting as if he was more interested in the essay than the pretty redhead beside him. Lily gingerly sat down on the edge of a chair and leaned against the table, staring at him all the while. James's mouth went very dry all of a sudden, and he couldn't seem to remember how to play hard-to-get. Was he just supposed to ignore her? Or was he supposed to be kind of snappy? James wasn't sure.

"James?"

"What do you want?" James said briskly, scratching out a line on his essay as if Lily had been the reason for his mistake.

Lily blinked once but otherwise showed no other sign of offense. In fact, she didn't seem surprised at all.

"James, I was wondering if you'd like to –" Lily started, but James cut her off.

"Are you asking me out or something?" James asked sharply.

Lily placed her hands on her hips.

"You're quick to assume," Lily retorted with venom penetrating every syllable she spoke. "For your information, I was coming over here to apologize for the way I've been treating you. But now it seems that you deserve it."

James looked up at her and felt his heart screaming protests. _No! No, I don't deserve it!_

"I…uh…" James said, then turned and faced his paper.

Sirius poked James hard in the side again and James sighed.

"Just – just leave me alone, Lily. I don't want to talk right now."

"Fine," Lily replied in a slightly hurt, slightly angry whisper, and rose from the table.

With one last menacing, rather upset glance at Sirius, who cowered under her stare, Lily turned and flounced from the library. When Lily had disappeared, James let his head fall onto the table with a _thump_. He groaned softly, feeling rather upset.

"Sirius, this is the worst day of my life." James said quietly, as to not disturb the sensitive librarian.

"You're halfway there, Prongs," Sirius said in what he must have imagined was an assuring voice, "The next step is guaranteed to work."

James looked up at Sirius, who resisted the temptation to laugh out loud – James had ink smudged on his forehead.

"Remind me what step seven is, Sirius," James said dully, "I seem to have forgotten."

"Love potion!" Sirius sang.

James gave another groan and let his head fall back onto the table with an earsplitting noise.

Madam Pince gave an agitated yelp and strode over to take care of that dreadful Head Boy and his foolish companion.

* * *

A/N: Sorry if some things don't seem to make sense at the given moment. I promise things will begin coming together soon. 


	8. The Seventh Way

A/N: Whohoo! Two chapters in a day, and possibly a third to come! By the way, this is one of my favorite chapters so far. In this chapter, James finds himself succumbing to the list yet again and trying a love potion. Will it work? What happens if it stops working? Find out now!

Disclaimer: I own nothing... especially not Harry Potter

Happy Reading!

* * *

**Way Seven: One thing _never_ fails – ant that's a love potion.**

"Do you have it?"

"Yes, yes I have it."

"You ordered it from the catalogue?"

"Yes! Now be quiet before you get us caught."

"Okay, okay! Sorry, mister sensitive. Let me have it?"

"Why?"

"I've gotta add the hairs!"

"Hairs?"

"Yes! How is the potion going to make her fall in love if it doesn't have something to refer to?"

James pulled a face as the men crept down the stairs under the invisibility cloak.

"So Lily has to drink something with my DNA in it?"

"Yup."

"Yuck."

Sirius laughed as they reached the landing, a broomstick in his hand. Clutched in James's hand was a small, pink, heart-shaped bottle containing the love potion James had ordered.

"Would you rather that I use your toenails?" Sirius asked nonchalantly, and James grimaced.

James and Sirius, both still covered by the cloak and moving so that no part of their bodies showed under the cloak, reached the landing to the girl's staircase. James suddenly felt kind of queasy, for he had a feeling that this step was probably not the best one. Not to mention that it was probably illegal. Besides, to James, Lily wouldn't _really_ be in love – just infatuated for a brief time. _Maybe_, he attempted to reason with himself, _when the potion wears off,_ _she'll like me for me._ James felt uneasy and prayed that everything turned out like he hoped it would. They two boys took off the invisibility cloak and let it fall to the floor.

"Here, give me the potion." Sirius commanded, and James handed over the bottle.

Sirius took the bottle and uncorked it. A funny kind of smell came from the bottle and it made James's nose tingle. Sirius took out a tiny vial and uncorked that as well, then spilled a tiny black hair onto his palm. James raised his brows at Sirius.

"How do you know that's mine?" James asked skeptically.

"Got it off your pillow," Sirius said, adding the hair to the potion and watching as it sizzled, frothed, and calmed down again.

"You know what to do," Sirius said, handing James the bottle as he corked it. "Lily told me she wakes up every night at least once and has to drink a glass of water. For this purpose, she keeps a glass of water on her bedside table."

James nodded, draped the invisibility cloak back over his shoulders, and snatched up his broom. James mounted the broom and kicked off of the ground. He flew soundlessly up the staircase and stopped to hover in front of the room James knew Lily slept in. He pointed his wand at the door, flicked it once, and the door quietly opened. James flew inside and then dismounted his broom, making sure that no alarm would go off at the touch of his feet. James took a slow, quiet breath and proceeded to attempt Step Seven.

James crept over to where Lily slept and found a glass of water on her beside table. James uncorked the bottle and dripped a single drop of the potion into the glass. The pink potion swirled around in the drink by itself before sizzling and becoming clear again. James gave a sigh of relief and then bit his lip, frantically looking around the room to make sure nobody had been stirred by his breath. James snatched up his broom and was just tiptoeing past Estella Walker's bed when he let curiosity get the better of him.

James turned around and walked back over to Lily's side and pulled back the curtains to her four-poster, ever so slowly. He stared down at her while she slept, tempted to brush a stray stand of red away from her delicate face. He smiled to himself, wondering if he would ever have a future with Lily. James certainly hoped so. With trembling fingers, James reached out to touch her face, and she stirred. James's eyes shot open and he stumbled back, almost knocking over Estella's bedside table and the glass of water perched precariously on top of it. James backed away slowly, and Lily merely rolled over. Overcome with relief again, James steadied Estella's bedside table and moved the glass of water away from the edge of the table.

James hovered out of the room on his broom, but paused before closing the door.

James mouthed the words "_I love you_" before closing the door as quietly as he could.

o0o0o

James awoke late, rolled out of bed, and nearly had to be dragged to his feet by Sirius. James was the type of guy to go to bed early, and he didn't like getting up early, either. Finally, James was ready, and the double act walked down to breakfast, James not feeling the slightest bit hungry. They took their normal seats and Sirius piled food onto his plate, talking about Quidditch as if last night had never happened. James, however, couldn't eat. Lily was sitting a few seats away, but had so far shown no interest in James. Maybe the potion hadn't worked, or Lily hadn't been thirsty last night. James didn't really know.

James felt someone tap him on the top of his head, and he turned around to find himself nose to nose with Estella Walker. James jumped slightly and pulled his face away from the curly-haired brunette, who was gazing at him in a most mystified way.

"Can I help you?" James asked in a professional voice.

"Oh yes!" Estella replied, fluttering her eyelashes, "James Potter, I am madly in love with you!"

Next to him, Sirius swallowed his food and his mouth dropped open. James himself was in a state of shock. He stared at the blushing Estella with a sincerely confused look upon his face. Other Gryffindors who had heard this comment turned to see what James's reply would be. James leaned back as Estella's face came closer to his, but found that he was trapped between the girl and the table. The look that James and Sirius shared said the same thing – that James had put the love potion in the wrong glass.

_But that's not possible!_ James thought in bewilderment, _I was _sure_ that that was Lily's drink! I know it was!_

"I, er, don't think you're in love with me, Estella," James said in a forced calm, "I think you just need to lay off the firewhiskey for a while, you know? You'll come around, er, I'm sure. _Very_ soon, in fact."

Estella's bottom lip trembled and James's expression turned to one of horror.

"Oh – oh no," James muttered under his breath, and Estella exploded.

"JAMES POTTER! HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY DO THIS TO ME? I LOVE YOU, JAMES! I LOVE YOU! I CAN'T EAT, I CAN'T SLEEP! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOUUUU!"

Estella leaned forward, seized James by the front of his robes, and planted a very wet, very unwanted kiss on his lips. The whole Great Hall fell silent after Estella's outburst, with all eyes on James. James stared, dumbfounded, at Estella, who was still sobbing in front of him.

And then James felt someone grab him forcefully by the ear, knocking over Sirius's pumpkin juice in the process.

"Wha – ow!" James exclaimed as Lily forced him onto his feet, his ear held firmly between her forefinger and thumb.

"James Potter, come with me!" Lily exclaimed, and pulled him around to face the door.

People began to laugh, minus Remus, who was watching with a dark expression, Sirius, who was trying to clean his pumpkin juice off his shirt, and Estella, who looked on tearfully.

"Sirius stay – here!" James gasped, and Lily began to push him out the door.

Estella chased after them, sobbing and telling Lily to leave her beloved alone, while the other students laughed mercilessly. Lily shoved James out into the entrance hall and opened the nearest closet. She forced him inside and followed, slamming the door shut behind her and in Estella's face. Lily whipped out her wand and thought _lumos_, bathing a petrified James in a blinding light.

"James Potter, somehow I don't think this was a natural thing, since Estella was gawking over your buddy Sirius just yesterday. What did you do?"

James, who was feeling a tad claustrophobic in the cramped room, thought frantically of an excuse.

"I uh, er, well you see… I didn't do anything!" James finally gasped.

Lily poked him hard in the chest, her wand still pointed at his face.

"Don't lie to me, James!" Lily said sternly, "You know love potions are illegal; you could be expelled, or have your Head Boy privileges taken away."

James opened his mouth to reply, but then let out his breath and stared at his feet.

"I know," He said lamely, "I just thought that…"

James didn't continue for fear that Lily would know that he had tried to – no, he was sure he _had_ – put the potion in Lily's drink. Lily stared at James for a moment longer before coming to a realization without James saying anything. All the while, Estella pounded on the door, yelling at Lily.

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING IN THERE? LET HIM OUT, EVANS!"

Suddenly, Estella fell silent and the pounding stopped. James looked up from the floor and he met Lily's eyes. Her expression was astounded.

"You – you didn't try to put it in _her's_ –" Lily began.

James nodded once.

"In _mine_?"

James nodded again, closing his eyes and preparing for the detonation. When nothing happened, he opened his eyes and realized just how close their faces were. How close their _lips_ were. Slowly, as their faces drew closer, James noticed just how pressed Lily's body was on his, though her back was to the door. James's heart was hammering in his chest and his mouth was dry. Surely they were going to kiss…

James slowly reached up a hand to touch her face as her eyelids fluttered. His hand stopped, though, when she suddenly jerked her head back, looking bemused.

"I think," Lily said softly, "I think Estella's back to normal."

"Yeah," James replied equally as quietly, though on the inside his brain was screaming in agitation.

They had been _so close_…

"We'd better go," Lily said, and made to back away.

Lily backed half a pace into the door, and found that she was wedged between the door and James. She blushed, apologized under her breath, and reached behind her for the door handle. She opened the door, put out her wand, and backed off so that she wasn't touching James in any way. Estella was nowhere to be seen. James, still inside the closet, laughed quietly to himself.

"Damn sexual tension," James said quietly with a small laugh, running a hand through his hair.

Lily gave an even smaller laugh, rubbed the back of her neck with uncertainty, and blushed.

"James, no more potions, alright?" Lily said in a defeated voice.

"No. Not ever," James replied.

"Good. See you around." Lily said, and turned to walk away.

"Yeah," James muttered as Lily disappeared from view, "See you around…"

* * *

A/N: Boy I do _love_ torturing James. But don't get me wrong or anything – James is one of the coolest characters. Which makes what I have in store for him all the more interesting! 

Stay tuned!


	9. The Eigth Way

A/N: Wow, I am really proud of myself here – 3 chapters in one day! Woot!

Disclaimer: I own nothing… especially not Harry Potter

Happy Reading!

* * *

**Way Eight: Everyone loves a poet!**

The next few days of James's life were full of awkward glances and blushing. Unfortunately, neither of these two things was coming from James. It seemed to James, actually, that Sirius and Lily were getting awfully matey over the past few days, and joking around a lot more and glancing at each other a lot more…

_No_, James mentally scolded himself, _you know Sirius would never ever do that to you… he knows how obsessed you are with her… _

And yet, James also knew how hard it was for people to control their feelings. But surely, Sirius wouldn't let his feelings get the better of him, would he? James hoped not. Even so, James needed to know for sure.

As James was pondering these thoughts, he saw Sirius and Lily emerge from their Divination class, laughing together. Sirius gave Lily an affectionate shove and she bumped him with the side of her hips. James paled. He quickly pulled his invisibility cloak out of his bag, checked to make sure that nobody was watching, and swung it over his shoulders. James hurried forward, trying to make as little noise as possible, until he was within earshot of their conversation.

"… And James?" Lily asked slowly.

"Nah," Sirius replied with a wave of his hand, "He hasn't figured it out yet. Heck, I don't think he will."

"Good."

"Yeah, you're telling me," Sirius said, "I hate to hide it from him, but can you imagine what he would say if he found out now? It'd be really hard to explain it to him, all of this. Actually, no…" Sirius was silent for a moment. "He'd probably kill me before I got all the words out."

Lily laughed.

"Is he really that gullible?" Lily asked, laughing.

James got very hot in the face all of a sudden. He was angry. So far, James was wondering whether he should expose himself right now or wait to kill Sirius later. He stopped as he realized that Lily and Sirius had stopped, and almost walked into them. Snape had walked out from behind a tapestry pretending to be a solid wall, and he was smirking rather evilly.

"What do you want, Snivellus?" Sirius barked.

"I know what you're up to, Black," Snape sneered, "It's not nice to be – ah – _sneaking around_ behind your best friend's back, is it?"

Sirius didn't wince at all, though he looked slightly nervous.

"How would you know? You haven't got any friends, Sniv," Sirius said, "So lay off."

Snape, instead of getting angry, leaned against the wall and examined his cuticles with interest.

"I could tell him, you know," Snape said lightly.

Lily stepped forward.

"Severus, don't even go there," Lily said, "It's not funny."

Snape stood up straight and strode over to Lily. Instinctively, James was about to reach out and grab Lily when he remembered he was under a cloak. Not to mention, he was supposed to be angry.

_Supposed to be angry? That makes no sense…_

Sirius grabbed Lily by the hand and pulled her closer to him. Snape got relatively close and stared down his hooked nose at the redhead, who was staring right back.

"Funny?" Snape breathed, "Funny's got nothing to do with it. It's the fact that I like to see you beaten, Black, and the fact that I _hate_ you."

With that, Snape turned to walk away. Before he turned the corner, though, he turned back and said one more thing.

"Watch your backs, ladies, because I might just… slip up."

He cocked an eyebrow and stalked off. Sirius stood, fuming, and Lily was looking nervous.

"I can't stand that kid," Sirius growled, shaking in anger. "Gods, I can't wait till this is over."

"I know, I know," Lily replied, "Don't worry. It'll all be over soon; James'll find out and then it'll be all over."

Lily gave Sirius a hug and Sirius hugged her back, and tightly at that. James was disgusted. Without a word, he spun around and stalked off towards the Owlery, where he could sit by himself, and possibly punch something.

When James got up to the Owlery and found that nobody was there, he released his anger by yelling very loudly.

"AUGHHH!"

James kicked the wall nearest to him, but only accomplished hurting his toes. He stuffed his cloak back into his bag and slumped against the wall, sliding down and onto the only spot of floor not covered with owl droppings. The birds fluttered their wings as if James's outburst had been indecent. James pulled his knees to his chest and moodily placed his chin on his knees. He couldn't believe his ears, and wanted with every fiber of his being to know that he had misinterpreted what he had heard. Bt James couldn't think of anything else that they cold have possibly been talking about. And then there had been that hug…

He stopped himself from thinking any more. Surely something wasn't right. Maybe this was just a terrible, terrible dream. James pinched himself and found that it was not, in fact, a dream. James climbed to his feet and paced the Owlery, occasionally slipping on a bit of owl dropping or crunching a mouse skeleton.

James racked his brain for an excuse, any excuse, really, would suffice. The door to the Owlery suddenly opened and Sirius stepped in. James jumped, slipped, and almost fell onto the excretion-covered floor, but Sirius ran forward and pulled him steady. James didn't thank his friend, but stared at the ground. Sirius didn't seem fazed.

"Hey Prongs, I've been thinking about this whole list thing…"

_Oh boy,_ James thought, _Here it comes…_

James crossed the room to one of the windows and stared outside.

"…and I've re-written Step Eight."

James turned around slowly.

"You have?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, "You wanna see it?"

James looked outside one last time before turning to Sirius.

"Yeah, I guess."

Sirius, who had the list in his hand, stopped and eyed James warily.

"Are you alright, Prongs?"

James shrugged.

"How's that Arithmacy project going?" James asked with a hint of bitterness in his voice, and Sirius seemed to get the picture right away.

Sirius seemed to grow a tad nervous.

"You know, James, I don't know what you've heard or who you heard it from, but you have to trust me; I would never lie to you."

"Do you like Lily Evans?" James asked Sirius, not taking his eyes away from his friend.

Sirius, to James's surprise, laughed. James scowled as Sirius laughed and laughed until he had to cross the room and hang onto the window for support.

"What's so funny?" James asked, half confused and half upset.

"Where'd you get _that _idea from?" Sirius asked between laughter.

James, not wanting to tell Sirius he'd been spying, decided that he wasn't going to lie, but nor was he going to give a straight answer.

"You looked awfully cozy that one time in the common room," James said, shrugging.

Sirius looked for a moment as if he didn't remember what James was talking about, and then his mouth formed a silent 'o'.

"Oh yeah, _that_," Sirius said, "Well, we were working on a project after all. Nothing romantic between her and me or anything."

James and Sirius stared at each other for a moment longer before Sirius added extra assurance.

"I don't like her like that, James. Don't worry about it."

James sighed and his hand traced its familiar path through his dark hair. He wanted to believe Sirius, he really did. So he figured he'd give it another try.

"Yeah, alright," James said, "Now what was that new step?"

Sirius grinned.

"Oh yes, back to the list. Well, it's –"

Sirius stopped as the door creaked open again and Snape, accompanied by Miss Norris, came into the Owlery. Snape, who was carrying a small parcel in his hands, looked up and saw James and Sirius standing there. A smile formed on his thin lips and he smirked at Sirius, who seemed to pale a bit. James knew why, of course, but acted as if he hadn't been eavesdropping.

"Well well well," Snape said in his icy voice, "If it isn't Black and Potter. What a pleasure."

"Back of, Snape," Sirius spat, "Get going."

Snape laughed cruelly.

"I have every right to be here, too, you know," Snape said, "Not that you care about my rights, of course, but they're there nonetheless."

Snape sent his parcel and on his way out, sent a smirk at the duo. As Snape was closing the doors, something fell out of his pocket. Snape didn't notice, but Miss Norris did. The cat bounded up to the mysterious wrapper, sniffed it, and then licked it. Instantly, she froze as if she had been petrified.

"Oh bloody hell," Sirius gasped, and the two boys bounded over to the cat.

Sirius reached out to grab the wrapper that Miss Norris had licked, but James grabbed his wrist.

"Don't touch it!" James warned, "It was from Snape, remember?"

Sirius lowered his hand.

"Right," Sirius said grimly, "Now, what of the cat?"

James scratched his chin thoughtfully, and the door opened yet again. Both men jumped a bit, only to find that it was Lily. When Lily saw Sirius and James kneeling over the frozen Miss Norris, she gasped and ran forward.

"What did you two do?" She exclaimed, "Surely you didn't kill…?"

Sirius shook his head.

"_We_ didn't do it," Sirius said tersely, "Snape did. Kind of."  
Lily raised her eyebrows and, before they could stop her, picked up the paper that Miss Norris had licked.

"Kind of?" She repeated, turning over the paper in her hands.

Sirius snatched the paper out of her hands (which James was happy to see, seeing as snatching is not a lovey-dovey thing to do) and looked at it carefully.

"This is a wrapper to an instant petrifaction lolly." Sirius concluded.

"Zonko's product," James added with a nod of verification, "It's easily reversed."

"You just need to get a few drops of Murtlap on there, and you're all set; she should wake up in about an hour," Sirius said.

"And, luckily," said James, "I happen to have some on me."

Lily raised her brows at him.

"Do you always carry around random remedies with you, Potter?" She asked in a taunting voice, though James could tell she was interested.

"I am a man of many latent talents and mysteries," James said, taking out a tiny vial and unscrewing the lid.

He poured the substance down the cat's throat and then put away the vial again. The three of them stood up and stared down at the petrified cat, which now had a faint line of Murtlap dribbling out of its mouth.

"What do we do now?" Lily asked, slightly nervous about fooling around with Filch's cat.

James bent over and picked up the cat by the tail, which was as stiff as the rest of it. Sirius laughed and even Lily couldn't suppress a smile, for the cat looked ridiculous.

"I know a suit of armor that would just _love_ to have Miss Norris over for dinner," James said, and they walked out of the Owlery in a line.

o0o0o

After Miss Norris had been disposed of properly, Lily parted from James and Sirius and went up to the library. Sirius watched as James stared at Lily until she had completely disappeared from sight. He chuckled.

"She really makes you want to do step eight, huh Prongs?" Sirius said tauntingly and James nodded dumbly.

"Hey, wait, what _is_ step eight, anyway?" James asked, snapping back to reality.

Sirius, grinning, drew the parchment James recognized as a copy of the list of 10 ways from his pocket and opened it. He handed it to James and James skipped down to step 8. The original step had a line through it, and had been replaced by something quite different.

_Everyone loves a poet_.

James laughed out loud.

"Oh no you don't, Padfoot," James said, handing Sirius the paper and backing away slowly, "James Potter does _not_ write poetry. End of story. El Fin."

Sirius smirked.

"Well, Prongs, you do now."

o0o0o

James, after many rewrites and balls of parchment in the rubbish, set down his quill and cracked his knuckles.

"Padfoot, I've got it!" James exclaimed.

Sirius appeared over James's shoulder and scanned the parchment.

"Excellent," Sirius whispered, grinning in the way that James knew only too well as the grin he wore while plotting mischief.

o0o0o

James entered the Great Hall with Sirius, both boys wearing their uniforms. However, instead of his normal hat, James was wearing a purple hat with a red feather and Sirius was carrying a lyre. People, professors included, stopped what they were doing to stare at the duo. James and Sirius were not afraid of embarrassment from this kind of thing – well, under different circumstances. In fact, the four Marauders once performed a tap dance on the teacher's table, but that was a different story entirely.

James and Sirius walked down the aisles until they reached Lily, who, like her friends, was watching with amused looks on their faces. James pointed to Sirius and Sirius began to play random notes on the lyre. James cleared his throat and got down on one knee.

"Oh my tiger lily,

My rose petal,

My beautiful sugar plum,

I do beseech thee,

For not more than your love,

That is taller than the highest tree."

Sirius laughed out loud with his barking laugh, as did many others. Lily blushed, but smiled nonetheless. James, although he knew the poem was terrible, also knew that he was getting his point across. James continued.

"Your eyes are like green pools of pickle juice,

In which I long to swim,

And this poem is just for you,

Or my name is… Jim.

Now I've asked you once or twice…"

"Or half a dozen times," Added Sirius, strumming the lyre randomly.

"And if I had a dollar for every time you've turned me down,

I'd have a billion dimes!"

James gave Lily his trademark grin and she blushed yet again. James, who felt incredibly stupid, as many people were laughing, could do no more than work the audience. He motioned with his arms and acted out his words with motions.

"Now Lily, Lily, Lily,

If you'd give me a chance,

I'd make you really happy,

I'd I'll never, ever again, dance."

James finished and Sirius stuck a terrible-sounding series of notes on the lyre. The Great Hall burst into applause and James stood up. Even Remus was grinning slightly. James swept off his hat and bowed, then turned back to Lily.

"So, come on, Evans, what do you say?" James said, clasping his hands together underneath his chin and bringing his face close to Lily's, "Go out with me?"

Lily smirked slightly and patted the side of James's face as if he were a little kid.

"Sorry Romeo, but not today. You must have missed the mark somewhere around 'pickle juice'."

James groaned and Sirius clapped him on the shoulder.

"Better luck next time, mate," Sirius said, "Or should I call you Romeo?"

James glared at Sirius and put his feathered hat on Sirius's head.

"You'd better not," James said, "Or else."

Sirius smirked.

"Or else what?"

James paused as they exited the Great Hall, the applause following them all the way into the entrance hall. He found that he was feeling rather cheerful, even though he had been turned down yet again; James knew he was getting closer to his goal.

"I'll get back to you on that," James said, "but for now, I must prepare for step nine!"

* * *

A/N: If you don't know what a lyre is, I suggest google images. Sorry for the terrible poetry. Google will rule the world!

What is step nine, you ask? Well, I plan on having it up by Monday. So, with any luck, you'll have your penultimate chapter soon!


	10. The Ninth Way

A/N: So this chapter's up a little earlier than expected, but I'm sure you're not complaining. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing… especially not Harry Potter!

Happy Reading!

* * *

**Way Nine: One word: pickup line**

James sat with Sirius on the floor of the dormitory, pouring over a list of pickup lines.

"Now remember, Prongs, the cheesier the better."

"Right-o!" James replied, and highlighted another one on the list.

Sirius suddenly let out a laugh.

"What?"

Sirius pointed to a particular line on the list. James read it, and then fell backwards, laughing.

"Padfoot, that's terrible!"

"I know, but it's funny! You've got to do it!"

"No!"

"Aww, come on!"

James sighed and stuffed a pumpkin pasty in his mouth. Surrounding James and Sirius on the floor was every junk food you could imagine, nicked fresh from the kitchens. Even Peter couldn't resist coming over and taking something from the pile before following a distinctly flustered Remus out the door.

"Alright, whatever," James said through bites of his pasty, "This had better work, Padfoot; I really don't want to grovel."

Sirius laughed.

"James, you've been groveling since day one, really."

James looked slightly offended.

"Yeah, well, I always called that 'sophisticated begging'." James reasoned in an attempt to defend himself. "Oh, and I don't want to do too many of these pickup lines – they kind of lose their effect after ten or so."

Sirius scratched his chin with his quill.

"You're right. Here, this list should be perfect."

Sirius jotted down a few more words on the newly perfected list, tapped it with his wand, and handed it to James. James took the list from his friend and read it over, the line between his brows becoming more and more defined as he went down the list. Finally, James clapped a hand over his eyes and groaned.

"I can't believe I'm going to do this, Sirius," James moaned.

"You pretty much don't have much of a choice, do you?" Sirius replied, looking slightly bothered. "Don't worry, if this doesn't work – which it definitely should – then you're almost done."

"But what if groveling doesn't work, either?"

"Oh it will, trust me."

James raised an eyebrow at his best mate.

"How can you possibly be so sure after the other steps?" James inquired suspiciously.

Sirius shrugged and took the list back. He held it up in front of his face and read it over again.

"Just intuition, Prongs," Sirius said from the other side of the parchment, "I'm chock full of it, you know."

James rolled his eyes.

"As if I didn't know that…" James trailed off, wondering how much chaos he was going to stir up today.

o0o0o

The only problem with fulfilling Step Nine was that Lily was literally nowhere to be found. James looked everywhere, but she was not at breakfast, nor was she in class. After searching in the empty Potions classroom, James smacked himself in the forehead with the heel of his palm.

_Of course, why didn't I think of it before?_ James thought to himself, _I've got the map!_

James ran back up to the dormitory during lunch break and opened his trunk. He dropped to his knees and pulled out the Marauder's Map.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," James muttered, feeling that he wasn't just speaking a password for once.

The lines of the map crisscrossed over each other until the parchment had become a map. James studied the map carefully until he found a tiny dot labeled _Lily Evans_. To James's surprise, Lily was out by Hagrid's hut with Hagrid himself. James ran to the window and saw that Hagrid and Lily were indeed outside the hut, their sleeves rolled up and working hard at the garden. James, who had memorized the list of pickup lines previous to this occasion, sprinted down to join Lily and Hagrid.

When James stepped out into the beautiful weather, he strolled down towards Hagrid's hut. When he came upon the hut, he heard a tidbit of their conversation.

"… so, needless to say it was a bit of a disaster, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, it was. Right funny, o' course, but a disaster, too. Oh, hullo James!"

Lily spun around and dropped the spade she was holding. He blushed and stammered a greeting.

"Hello Hagrid. Evans." James nodded to each person as he said their name and grinned, "Can I help in any way?"

"O' course you can!" Hagrid boomed cheerfully, and tossed James a Hagrid-sized shovel.

James caught the shovel by the shaft, but it was so large that it knocked him backwards and knocked the breath out of him. James sat up, feeling rather dizzy, to see Lily laughing and Hagrid looking rather alarmed.

"Sorry 'bou that, James," Hagrid said, reaching over and pulling James to his feet with one hand, "forget me own strength sometimes…"

"Its fine, Hagrid, really," James said, heaving up the large shovel and planting it in the earth. "Er, what are we doing anyway?"

"Diggin' holes for the seeds," Hagrid said.

James looked down at the monstrously large hole that had been dug at his feet.

"Er, they're rather large holes, aren't they?" James asked.

"Yes, but they've got ter be big holes 'cause the seeds are large, too." Hagrid said, pulling a seed the size and shape of a football from his pocket, "I'm growin' giant pumpkins."

"Aha…" James said, before hoisting up the shovel, "Well, what are we waiting for, then? Let's dig!"

After about an hour, the holes were done and Lily and James were walking back up towards the castle. The words "Step Nine" were ringing in James's ears, and he couldn't help but notice how this would be the opportune moment to start the lines.

"Er," James said, "Fat penguin."

Lily turned to face him, looking confused.

"_What_?"

James shrugged.

"I wanted to say something to break the ice."

Lily chuckled quietly to herself.

"Do you come here often?" James asked in a charming voice.

"Uhm, yes…"

"Oh," James replied, and thought about another pickup line, "Well, I have amnesia. Do I come here often?"

Lily gave James a piercing look that James knew was a warning. James looked up at the castle, then back at Lily. He put on his best face of interest.

"I'm sorry," James said, "Did you say something?"

"No," Lily replied curtly.

"Well then please start!"

Lily gave an agitated sigh. James took this as he'd better try a different approach. He grabbed her hand and faced it palm-up.

"What are you doing, James?" Lily asked in exasperation.

"I wanna show you something," James said in a cute voice, and then continued on with his thought. "You see this here? This is a river."

James drew an imaginary line across her palm with his finger.

"There's a bunny that wants to get across the river, see? And he tried to jump. Bunny goes glub glub. He tries to take a boat, but it sinks."

James mimed all of this as if his finger was a bunny and Lily's hand was the river.

"He tries to fly, but he falls," James said, and then dropped her hand back to her side.

Lily gave him a look that said "You're strange."

"And how does the bunny get across the river, James?" Lily asked politely.

James shrugged and blushed.

"I don't know; I just wanted to hold your hand."

Lily gave him a slight push in the chest with her hand and continued walking up towards the castle. James stood still for a moment, then took off in a jog to catch up after her.

"You must be a nimbus, 'cause you swept me off my feet!" James exclaimed, panting as he reached Lily.

Lily ignored him.

"Did it hurt?" James asked sweetly.

"Did _what_ hurt, James?" Lily asked, looking slightly annoyed.

"When you fell from heaven."

Lily rolled her eyes and quickened her pace.

"You know, Lily, if you were a bogey I'd pick you first," James said, grinning in spite of himself – that one had been Sirius's favorite pickup line.

Lily shot him a look of revulsion.

"James, that was disgusting," She said, not stopping her feet.

As they started walking up the stone steps to the castle, James knew his time was running out. He panicked slightly.

"You know, Evans, you look an awful lot like my first wife."

Lily stopped walking at this, and stared at James with an incredulous expression on her face.

"And how many times, pray, have you been married?"

James grinned again.

"Never."

Lily rolled her eyes yet again and pushed open the door.

"James, you're pathetic." Lily said.

"But Lily! How can you yell at me for falling in love with you when you tripped me in the first place!"

Lily gave an exasperated cry and began stomping off towards the Great Hall. As she walked away, James called after her retreating back.

"If I wrote the alphabet, I'd have put U and I together!" James called, then as Lily disappeared, added angrily in a hushed voice, "Dammit!"

James was really not looking forward to step ten, but he knew he would have to take it. James turned and stomped up the stairs, preparing himself for the groveling he knew he would have to do.

* * *

A/N: Heh, only one chapter left to go! Will the groveling work, or will James find some way to get Lily and get out of groveling at the same time? Only time (and chapter eleven) will tell! 


	11. The Final Way

A/N: I must admit, I was very excited before writing this lat chapter. Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing and whatnot throughout this whole thing. Ah! I'm so happy! I hope you all enjoy this last chapter as much as I enjoyed scheming it and putting it together!

Disclaimer: I own nothing… especially not Harry Potter.

Happy Reading!

* * *

**Way Ten: If all else fails, grovel.**

Groveling was not something that James wanted to do. Groveling showed desperation, anger, and weakness. James did not like being weak, and nor did he like being annoying. However, since James realized that he had been relatively annoying throughout this entire "10 Ways" ordeal, he knew one last bit of annoyance wouldn't kill anyone. At least James hoped not.

Remus wasn't speaking to James still, but James hoped that they could make up before the full moon. James hated to think of Remus having to undergo the transformation without him there to help. Sirius noticed James's anxiety, and did what he could to encourage his friend.

"Don't worry Prongs! You'll be fine. Women always give in to groveling!"

James glared at Sirius as they strolled down the corridor.

"Somehow, you've said that before with all the other steps," James said with a hint of bitterness, "I'm starting to think that you don't know anything about women."

"Are you kidding?" Sirius scoffed, pausing to send a rude gesture to Regulus as he walked by, "I know everything about women!"

"Yeah, right," James said, "I just can't wait till this is over. I want to be with her so bad that it hurts, Padfoot. I don't wanna fail."

"You won't, James, trust me," Sirius replied confidently.

o0o0o

That night, James found that he just could not sleep. He tossed and turned, and finally sat up in his four-poster. A trip to the kitchens seemed to be in order. Yes, that seemed to be the right thing to do.

He swung his legs out of the bed and stoop up gingerly, throwing a bathrobe on over his pajamas and fastening his Head Boy badge to his chest. Technically, the Head Boy was allowed to patrol whenever he wanted, so he was safe with that excuse. James pushed open the portrait, but as he stepped out into the deserted corridor, he decided he wasn't hungry anymore.

"What I could really use," James muttered to himself, "Is some fresh air."

He headed out for the grounds. When James laid a hand on the door, he found that it opened easily and soundlessly. This was strange to James, because Filch always locked the doors before retiring for the night. Now very curious, James stepped outside, trying to make as little noise as possible. He walked down towards the lake and almost gave a shout as he saw someone moving. It was Lily, walking along in her pajamas and a bathrobe.

"What the –" James breathed, and quickly ducked behind the nearest wall.

He poked his head out from under cover and watched as Lily walked down the grounds (looking rather depressed all the while) and sat down on the edge of the lake. James contemplated the idea of going out and talking to Lily, but figured that she might not want to talk to any people at the moment.

_That's it! She doesn't want to talk to any _people

James looked around to make sure that nobody else was around, and then transformed into his animagus. James, as a stag, trotted over to where Lily was sitting by that lake, staring across at the icy depths. He nuzzled her hand and she jumped.

"What – oh! Why hello, little guy."

James inwardly scoffed – he was anything but little; he was practically a ten-point buck, for crying out loud! He watched as Lily sighed and he nuzzled her hand again with the tip of his nose. She looked back down at him, smiling.

"I wish _I_ was a stag sometimes," Lily sighed, turning her gaze back towards the lake, "Life would be so much easier. No problems, no work, no lists…"

James, who had been relishing that Lily had called him a 'stag' and not a 'reindeer', snapped out of his reverie at the word 'list'. James settled down next to Lily, tucking his legs underneath himself, curious about where this monologue was going to end up.

"Oh well," Lily continued, plucking up a blade of grass and breaking it in half, "Tomorrow's judgment day, I guess. Sirius reckons James'll pull the last step tomorrow. I really hate to see him grovel, but he's really come so far…"

If James had been human, his jaw would have dropped. So, Lily knew? That really didn't make sense to James. And Sirius knew that Lily knew, and he hadn't told his best friend? James felt a tad bit angry at this.

James got up and scampered out of sight. He transformed back into himself, panting and confused about the information that he had just sustained. James felt betrayed and slightly angry and he knew one thing for sure: Tomorrow, he would not be groveling – not to anyone.

o0o0o

The atmosphere of the next morning was full of intensity. James refused to speak to Sirius at all that morning, and Sirius seemed to think it was merely because James was nervous, but it wasn't so. James proceeded to ignore everyone up until break, when people rushed outside to have a breather before going to lunch. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were nowhere to be found, but James didn't really give a care. James watched as Lily walked out the door, waited for about two minutes, and then strode outside, too.

James stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked around, searching for Lily. He found her standing by herself under the beech tree with a book in her hands, reading. James set his jaw, clenched his fists, and walked up to Lily. When Lily saw him, she couldn't help but let her face show some of her fear. James stopped in front of her, breathing slowly, and Lily quickly stuffed her book into her bag and put her bag on the ground.

"You probably think I'm coming here to grovel for your love, Lily Evans," James said, struggling to keep his voice steady, "But I'm not. I'm not going to grovel or beg or plead with you, because I know you know what's going on."

Lily stared, her mouth slightly agape and her hair blowing in front of her face. She hastily pushed her red hair behind her ear, apparently listening intently

"Now I'm going to say this once and you can take it or leave it, and if you leave it, I'll never ask you again." James took a deep breath. "Lily Evans, I am infatuated with you. I am in _love_ with you. I have loved you for a long time and I've had to let you repeatedly push me away. I've written horrible poems for you and I've stooped to a low level for you. If you try to love me back, I will treat you fairly and devotedly."

Lily, to James's utmost surprise, smiled. James suddenly felt someone thump him on the back and he turned to see Sirius, Remus, and Peter all standing there, grinning from ear to ear.

"Congratulations, James Potter, you have passed the test," Sirius said, clapping James on the shoulder.

Now James stared.

"Test?" He asked in disbelief.

"Test," Lily confirmed. "I know ninety-nine percent of the story, but I can't explain it half as well as someone else here. Take it away, Sirius."

Sirius stepped forward and put an arm around James's shoulder.

"Prongs, my best friend, I've watched you suffer for this girl time and time again, and I decided I'd had enough. So, I went to the charming and beautiful Lily Evans and told her your situation. Apparently, she was nursing a small thing for you, but your reputation of going through women was not appealing, to say the least. Though I assured her time and time again that you were in 'love', she wanted to be sure. So, one fine day, I wrote up a list of the most ridiculous things that would show _just_ how far you would go for her."

"It was hard," Remus interjected, "I had to pretend to be upset with you for weeks; we had to make it believable."

James turned, speechless, to Remus.

"You mean, you're not really mad? You were pretending? You _knew_ about all of this?"

Remus smiled warmly.

"Yes. And Peter here had to stay out of the way, lest he mess it up."

Peter grinned sheepishly, though he looked pleased with himself for having kept quiet.

"Anyway, this whole thing was a mess at one point," Sirius said, "When you suspected me of liking Lily. There was no Arithmacy project, to tell you the truth – I made that up on the spot; one day, we had to edit the list a bit and revise Step Eight. And then you walked in on us in the common room. Then I got you to drink that Instant Sickness potion to buy me more time, but I mixed it with the remedy to make you feel better sooner. And then you saw me with the bottle and I had to pretend to take a sip so you wouldn't suspect me of doing anything wrong."

James stared.

"Do you mean," James said slowly, racking his memory, "that that black bottle – it wasn't burping serum?"

Sirius beamed.

"Nope," Sirius said, "And in all actuality, you had reason to be suspicious; Lily and I became friends during this whole ordeal. Isn't that right, Evans?"

Lily, who seemed to have a grin stuck on her face (as well as a blush), rolled her eyes and punched Sirius lightly in the shoulder. Suddenly, everything made sense to James. From the strange behavior coming from Sirius and Lily, to Snape threatening to tell James what was going on, it all made sense. It was just a big setup.

"S-so –," James stammered, "So it was all just a big setup? Everything?"

"Well no, not everything," Peter said, "Some things didn't go quite as we had planned."

"And most of my reactions to your actions were – natural," Lily said modestly.

"Don't forget that potion fiasco," Remus said tersely, looking slightly stressed.

Sirius groaned and put a hand over his eyes.

"Ah yes," Sirius said, "Well, that _was_ a bit of a fiasco, wasn't it? Well, James, remember that whole potion thing?"

James nodded – he wasn't going to forget it any time soon.

"Yes, well, since Lily knew about that already, she knew not to drink the potion."

Sirius gave Lily and look and she blushed crimson.

"So," Lily said sheepishly, "When I woke up, I just drank Estella's water – I really hate getting out of bed and she never drank her water anyway. Heck, I didn't even know why she bothered putting it there. So, since I figured Estella would find it odd that I drank her water, I switched glasses with her."

"And then, of course, the one day that Estella wakes up and needs water happens to be the day that the water is contaminated," Remus finished in exasperation, shaking his head. "We were all surprised, naturally, but Lily was a brilliant actress and played it out well enough."

"So there you have it, James," Sirius concluded, "The whole story. And now, we've reached the not-so-bitter end. Lily, if you would?"

Lily stepped forward, looking extremely nervous. She grinned in an embarrassed sort of way.

"James," She said quietly, "If you don't hate me for treating you so badly in the last few weeks, would you possibly find it in your heart to be with me?"

James suddenly felt as if he could fly. He stared, mouth open, at Lily for a full five seconds before he said his reply.

"More than anything," James said, "I would _love_ to be with you."

James made as if he was going to kiss Lily, but he suddenly pulled back.

"You said before if I ever touched you again, you'd report me," James said sheepishly.

Lily laughed out loud at this and touched the side of James's face with her hand.

"Allow me, then," Lily said, and before James knew it, she was kissing him.

And James knew, as he was kissing the woman of his dreams, that some things just couldn't bring two people together like best friends, humiliation, and a list. More specifically, a list of Ten Ways to Get a Girl.

o0o0o

_FIN_

* * *

A/N: And there you have it! Eleven chapters, embarrassing moments, stupid rules and a setup. I'm sorry if you don't like my ending, but I do and I'm not changing it for anybody. Thanks to everyone for following this story through – some of you from day one! 


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